It has taken me a very long time to express the things that I'm about to share with you. This moment comes at a very critical time in my life. But I'm taking out this precious time to share because I know that some of you have been wondering and unable to ask. Some of you have been discussing it, but have not had the truth of the matter. Some of you have come to your own conclusions about my absence from certain familiar circles; and the truth is, I have been sick for the past few years of my life. If I didn't know that you could relate to my dilemma, I wouldn't present this to you. But I know that you can:
I've grown up in "church" all my life. I learned the practices and procedures from one local church to the next. I was deemed pretty gifted and talented so "my gifts made room for me". It wasn't long before I was called upon by people who recognized those gifts and based upon the common church structure to sing, dance, act, play organ/keys, and even preach, prophecy and testify. I was accepted and it felt good. It felt good enough to ignore real issues in my life and in the lives of the church members all around me. At the early ages of 6, 7, & 8 the microphone was placed into my hands to sing. At the ages of 12-29 I was inducted to play music, act in plays, and whatever else was asked of me in the area of "church performance". It was sweet, yet empty. I preached for the first time at 14 years old in the style in which I was raised. Engaged in nearly 6 years of seminary courses covering NT theology, OT prophecy, Jesus & the Gospels, & Pastoral Care from 2 institutions unnecessary to mention. At 18, I helped to found a student-led organization that began to thrive in it's own rite. But to be honest, it was really just a safety net for us young adults INCLUDING MYSELF to seek God through his word and godly fellowship. And that's how it has played out over time. At 19 I was publicly ordained, yet privately immature, ill-prepared, and unprocessed. Nevertheless, with NO QUESTIONS ASKED, I-BECAME-PASTOR-COREY!! Was and is the apostolic and pastoral annointing upon me? Absolutely, by his grace. But in the context that it was expressed? Absolutely not, by any means. Nevertheless, I loved the acceptance though I was as ignorant as I could be about the TRUTH OF GOD'S WORD, HIS COMMANDMENTS & HIS CHURCH.
I could be wrong, but it seemed that because I was somewhat educated by man's standards, not too hard on the eyes (though I'm no hunk....at least not yet #working on it), my gifts were marketable, profitable and fit in with the business model of today's church, I was the perfect image of what "the church" should be producing - well-rounded, respectable, clean, mean working machines.
But at some point in my late 20s, I found that the immaturity was taking it's toll. The lack of process would surely find me out. And the gross level of sin that comes from not knowing how to keep his commands and being a CHRISTIAN ENTERTAINER, would have surely destroyed me and my family. Did I mention that I got married at 25 and been having babies ever since. I mean, by this time it's getting terribly HEATED. At that point I began to give in to my immaturity and the desires of my carnal mind. I mean, what else to do when you fall prey to believing that you're one of the main attractions in the Christian work. For a almost a year, I attempted to address the conflict of church and self with my "pastor", to no avail. He thought I was trying to blame him and that particular church for how my life was progressing. When it was really an honest attempt to get to the root of the problems that God had made me READY to address as I came of age and greater understanding. AND THIS IS WHERE THE SICKNESS BEGAN AND THIS IS WHERE YOU CAN PROBABLY RELATE THE MOST, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALEADY.
I realized at this point that I was sick. Sick of the church traditions and politics. Sick of the unspoken distinction between upper and lower class church members. Sick of broken marriages and broken homes. Sick of false doctrine that came across the pulpits and could not be candidly addressed publically so that the entire church could have input. I was sick of conflict with praise & worship leaders and the enability to let God's annointing flow; sick of the comparisons of who could sing better than the other. I was sick of referring to people who carried titles in the church as "leadership". I was sick, sick, sick. I was sick of offerings being taken for things that never happened. I was sick of the respecter of persons, where we pretend all is well in the face of "leadership" and talk about all the church problems through emails, texts, phone calls, facebook and other forms of media. I was SICK. I was sick of having to hear about people's personal issues by the "leaderships" in which they thought they were confiding. I was sick of the need for all these costumes...I mean Sunday's best. Sick of nodding off or doing poorly in school because I'm too busy doing NOTHING...I mean whatever is asked of me. I was sick of going along with every new fad that hit the church: one day it's diets, the next day it's Simple Church, the next day we're a ministry not a church, then a church not a ministry. WHAT!!? Nearly 3 years past and I WAS SICK. Sick of my wife telling me what she sees as a problem in the church, yet I ignore them because this is all I knew and trusted. Sick of people coming to me saying that eventhough they "love" their pastor, but fear that he won't hear they're complaints and concerns - eventhough he says, come talk to me whenever you need to.
It was a sure sign that during my 5th year wedding anniversary when I fainted, hit the pavement hard in Florida because of these concerns that were going unaddressed - and my wife feared that I was dead for a few seconds - I knew that this was not a healthy model. I knew that I had been duped into the traditions of men that Jesus had warned against when he walked the face of the earth.
So, I got out. Found that thousands of people were getting out of that structure to finally be in the presence of God for real. To finally express the true nature of life in Christ that DOES NOT INCLUDE BONDAGE! I got out. I got healed from the sickness and vowed to participate in the church that Christ founded before he left earth. The church of which he is the chief cornerstone. The stone that the builders rejected. If you're sick. Don't stay sick.
If you need more information on how to get HEALED FROM WHAT MIGHT ALSO BE YOUR SICKNESS, let me know. Because whom the son sets free is FREE INDEED.
Sincerely, Your Brother
Corey (aka CoCam)
